Posted on January 1st, 2009 by HisHighness in IUC:Bits, IUC:Entertainment
Enjoy the discomfiture of Celeb culture in 09. IUC predicts a wild, wacky year in Hollywood, massive disruptions all to the tuneless flute of a lingering virus and slight mayhem. Once again, weakness and void is highly employable in Tinseltown. Heres the forecast:
- J-Lo and Marc Anthony will split by June 1.
- Angelina Jolie will turn in an electrifying piece of work - but once again be shunned for a best actress nominee.
Regis refuses to help pay for son Danny
- Regis Philbin will finally keel over after being run over by his wheelchair ridden son whos pissed the old man aint giving him a dime. (National Enquirer)
- So will Larry King!
- Boy George will announce hes opening up a Karaoke bar cause its about the only place where he can get a gig these days.
- Elliot Spitzer will reemerge, being hired by Radio City to promote the Rockets Christmas run.
- The loveless comedies of Jen Anistons life will be back in the news, when she finally comes out and admits shes sleeping with Nicolette Sheridan.
- The displeasure of stockholders around the globe will heighten when its discovered that the whole Bernie Maddoff affair was a phony conspiracy launched by Donald Trump, who will once again go bust this year.
- Madonna will urinate upon herself her first album of covers - jazz standards. When she is done singing Stormy Monday, the seat of her dress will be wet.
- A-Rod will be traded to the Washington Nationals for the entire roster and a first round draft pick after the Yankees, with a new stadium and new superstar roster, fail to make the playoffs.
- Michelle Obama will announce she has a psychic communication and communion with Martha Washington a few months after she moves into the White House. She churns out a book about it and ends up being the first First Lady committed to the looney bin while in office. A few weeks later, news is leaked that Barbara Bush (George Sr.s lady) was actually committed several times while Bush Sr. misran the U.S. When asked if its true, Barbara replies, Im too old to remember.
- Finally, Rupert Murdoch offers to buy ianundercover.com for $250 million. He appoints jailbird Conrad Black editor in chief, who quickly changes the name of the operation to ianunderthetable.com
