No- this is not what you are probably thinking. I'm not actually saying how good I am (As you'll soon see!), nor am I being "blasphemous", or any such thing. However, having been raised inside a very strict "religion", I do tend to poke fun at some of their craziness, at least as I see it! Here is a "list" of my "craziness"- not of what I see as crazy to aspire to be and do- but crazy in the thinking that they actually are each and everyone of these, and more! It is a contrast between the way that they and many "people of faith"- myself included, think they are, and the way that they actually are- the difference between how they see themselves and other people see them! Don't forget- I'm at the top of this list! At least I realize it! Also, and most importantly, it's just a very funny "list"!
-I'm so proud of my humility! -My even disposition and lack of a temper really piss me off! -I celebrated my soberness with a drink or 2! -I never !@$#*ing swear- I swear! -My honesty is unbelievable! -I never lust in my heart for women with big boobs, longer slender legs, perfectly curved butts, nice thick luscious lips, bedroom eyes, etc! (OK- I gotta stop now!) -I never judge anyone! However, there is something I just have to get off my chest. You really shouldn't be the way you are! It's just not right! -I never covet my neighbor's ass. I just really, really want her horse! -I love my neighbor as myself! Hey- you should see her horse! -I always keep the Sabbath day. I keep fishing and fishing and fishing! -I always give to charities! My favorite one is dinner! -I help feed the poor! I made dinner just earlier tonight for my wife! Wow- I did 2 good things in one with this- I gave to my favorite charity and helped feed the poor! -I never gossiped about the neighbors when they got a divorce because she was proud of her temper, her drunkenness, and her cussing habit. She also lied like a rug, lusted after big boobed women, and judged me- at least that's what I heard! Also, I heard that her husband was mad because I liked her horse!
Actually, I guess this is more of a reminder of the way we may try to be vs. the way we actually are, myself at the top of the list!
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...as posted by another individual at one of my favorite message boards......
